Even though school is out for the year, it doesn't mean I'm not learning anything.
My grandpa has been a hero of mine for as long as I can remember. He's the coolest guy I know, and spending time with him this week is making that even clearer. Yet there are some obvious differences in how we live our lives.
Something about being in the military, and probably being old too, gets him up at 4 a.m. every day to make a pot of coffee. The thing I prefer about grandpa, compared to other ex-military I've lived with, is his sneakiness.
There are other guys that wake up at an ungodly hour, and want everyone to be up with them. So I appreciate my grandpa not being obnoxious...
Another thing I find funny about him is that he believes everything he reads on the Internet.
There are some very interesting people that find some very interesting ways to convince other people to believe in their very interesting theories.
But the best part about my grandpa, which is also the part I could really benefit from imitating, is his demeanor. He’s been married to my grandma for more than 50 years, and though he’s been mostly deaf for about 20 of those years, he’s still able to make my grandma and everyone around him happy.
That is something that I strive for in my own life. My main purpose is to make everyone I know as happy as possible. Though I’ve driven off that track recently, this trip is opening to my eyes about what my real purpose is.
My days of selfish searches for happiness are over, and its back to being me.
It shouldn’t have taken a trip down to Florida to make me realize this, but the pancakes were definitely worth the trip.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Vacation?
“I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I dreamed it’d be.”-- This basically sums up my last 5 days on planet Earth.
I haven’t been this lazy, this bored, this…fat in such a long time.
It is times like these that make me realize how much I appreciate school and the stress that comes with it. Even though classes are hard, and most of them stupid, it is still a responsibility that keeps people like me sane.
I’ve already cleaned my apartment, and my car, I’ve done all my laundry, and I’m going to bake up a storm tomorrow…what else is there to do?
I leave for Florida on Friday, and I will be there until the first week of January. That’s awesome, I know.
But will it make a difference? I am afraid I will just be bored AND warm. Plus, I won’t get to see my friends at all over Christmas break.
I guess I just miss hanging out with certain people, and I am recognizing that I would rather be with them than be warm…and not have to worry about scraping off my windshield…or have to wear multiple layers of clothes…ok, so maybe my friends can wait.
Regardless of all those things, and how I rank my friends against my warmth, I miss school. I am still in town, still walking distance from my classrooms, but it’s the people that make the difference.
I hope that I feel different at the end of next semester. I hope I am ready to move on from college and start working in the “real world.” I can’t imagine living my life without talking to the people I am talking to now. It seems impossible to think that I will need to spend more than $100 a week on myself. I feel like I could live like this forever.
But I know that’s not true. I have to move on. Just like that relationship you were in that caused you so much stress, and made you so angry sometimes, after it’s over…you miss it.
I guess I just need to find a new girlfriend…right?
n/a
I haven’t been this lazy, this bored, this…fat in such a long time.
It is times like these that make me realize how much I appreciate school and the stress that comes with it. Even though classes are hard, and most of them stupid, it is still a responsibility that keeps people like me sane.
I’ve already cleaned my apartment, and my car, I’ve done all my laundry, and I’m going to bake up a storm tomorrow…what else is there to do?
I leave for Florida on Friday, and I will be there until the first week of January. That’s awesome, I know.
But will it make a difference? I am afraid I will just be bored AND warm. Plus, I won’t get to see my friends at all over Christmas break.
I guess I just miss hanging out with certain people, and I am recognizing that I would rather be with them than be warm…and not have to worry about scraping off my windshield…or have to wear multiple layers of clothes…ok, so maybe my friends can wait.
Regardless of all those things, and how I rank my friends against my warmth, I miss school. I am still in town, still walking distance from my classrooms, but it’s the people that make the difference.
I hope that I feel different at the end of next semester. I hope I am ready to move on from college and start working in the “real world.” I can’t imagine living my life without talking to the people I am talking to now. It seems impossible to think that I will need to spend more than $100 a week on myself. I feel like I could live like this forever.
But I know that’s not true. I have to move on. Just like that relationship you were in that caused you so much stress, and made you so angry sometimes, after it’s over…you miss it.
I guess I just need to find a new girlfriend…right?
n/a
Friday, November 28, 2008
Throwback Jams
I am the traffic cop.
i stand in the middle of life's traffic and direct people where to go, and help them along. i am more concerned about their well-being than my safety.
compliments come in fleeting moments. "how brave you are." "i wish i was that strong." but with the next breath, they are back into the traffic.
so i decided i wanted to hitch a ride. i was tired of being stagnant in the middle of the intersection, and wanted to get out and GO somewhere. luckily, there are people that oblige.
so we took off at the speed of life. i was initially blown away at how effortless it is to live this kind of life. how easy it is to meet new people and share experiences. but then i realized that this was not what i thought it was. instead of being a willing passenger, i became an uncomfortable prisoner trapped in the trunk.
every now and then i say something positive about it. "at least i'm laying down." "i don't have anyone else to worry about." but those are easily outweighed by the darkness...the loneliness...and the insomnia.
one day this car will run out of gas, and the driver will let me out of the trunk and say to me, "look. look at where i have taken you." and i will see the place that i have been telling people all my life to avoid. the place where people are broken into other people, dependent on identities that are provided from people who don't have one themselves. more than likely, it will be a desert. except, instead of grains of sand, there will be millions of lost people that will still say "this is the life."
no doubt, i will find someone that is on their way out, saying, "i need to get out of this place." and i will know exactly where to go. and instead of being cargo in the trunk, i will be a passenger. i will get to see the sights. see the things that i had done to get to where i was, and see how long of a drive it really is.
as we return to the city, the comfort i always had will be looked upon differently. i will pass another traffic cop that has a wanting look on his face: a face of jealousy. i think to stop and give a warning, but realize that it is a trip he must take.
as i settle into my new life, i realize that it is not the cop that keeps the traffic sane...it is the traffic that keeps the cop sane. the need for guidance is one everyone has, but those who give it are in need of a different experience entirely.
despite being road weary, i am glad to have taken that trip.
and at least now i can say:
i am no longer a traffic cop.
i stand in the middle of life's traffic and direct people where to go, and help them along. i am more concerned about their well-being than my safety.
compliments come in fleeting moments. "how brave you are." "i wish i was that strong." but with the next breath, they are back into the traffic.
so i decided i wanted to hitch a ride. i was tired of being stagnant in the middle of the intersection, and wanted to get out and GO somewhere. luckily, there are people that oblige.
so we took off at the speed of life. i was initially blown away at how effortless it is to live this kind of life. how easy it is to meet new people and share experiences. but then i realized that this was not what i thought it was. instead of being a willing passenger, i became an uncomfortable prisoner trapped in the trunk.
every now and then i say something positive about it. "at least i'm laying down." "i don't have anyone else to worry about." but those are easily outweighed by the darkness...the loneliness...and the insomnia.
one day this car will run out of gas, and the driver will let me out of the trunk and say to me, "look. look at where i have taken you." and i will see the place that i have been telling people all my life to avoid. the place where people are broken into other people, dependent on identities that are provided from people who don't have one themselves. more than likely, it will be a desert. except, instead of grains of sand, there will be millions of lost people that will still say "this is the life."
no doubt, i will find someone that is on their way out, saying, "i need to get out of this place." and i will know exactly where to go. and instead of being cargo in the trunk, i will be a passenger. i will get to see the sights. see the things that i had done to get to where i was, and see how long of a drive it really is.
as we return to the city, the comfort i always had will be looked upon differently. i will pass another traffic cop that has a wanting look on his face: a face of jealousy. i think to stop and give a warning, but realize that it is a trip he must take.
as i settle into my new life, i realize that it is not the cop that keeps the traffic sane...it is the traffic that keeps the cop sane. the need for guidance is one everyone has, but those who give it are in need of a different experience entirely.
despite being road weary, i am glad to have taken that trip.
and at least now i can say:
i am no longer a traffic cop.
Monday, November 24, 2008
As deep as the snow...
If there’s one thing I do like about winter, it’s the walks.
There’s nothing I enjoy more than taking a walk in the calming snow, listening to Explosions in the Sky, and just thinking.
Of course, tonight the thoughts were a bit more depressing than usual.
As I sat down to enjoy my McDonald’s dinner, completely comprised of dollar menu items, I realized what I was wearing…of all things.
I noticed my $400 North Face jacket was covered in snow, so I brushed it off with my $70 Burton gloves. The snow got all over my $150 iPod, as well as my $100 LG Chocolate.
If you’re thinking, “Wow, this kid is well off,” that’s exactly what I was thinking. I remembered that when I came to McDonald’s as a kid, I never imagined I would have all this expensive stuff.
It was a good realization: I have been blessed throughout my childhood and that I have grown into a very fortunate college student.
Then as I left, to continue my hike to campus, I thought of how exactly that all came to be, and how things are now.
I thought about how I will be the first kid of my generation, on both sides of my family, to graduate college…and it’s not because I am the oldest. I am far from it.
To be honest, it couldn’t come at a better time. My parents have sacrificed so much for me and my three brothers during our time in their house. And now that we have all gone off to college, things are finally starting to catch up with them.
They are foreclosing at the beginning of December, and will be without a home of their own for the second time in their life. All so I could have my jacket, and my gloves, and my phone…
To be honest, I can’t help thinking of that really sad scene from Titanic, where Jack dangles in the water while Rose is safe on the door. My parents have sacrificed so much so that I can live through the night. Now I have to make sure that I make their sacrifice worthwhile.
Needless to say, there’s a lot of pressure for me to succeed. There have been too many “near-successes” in my family, and I am the one that has to go take the cake. My mom has always called me “the perfect child,” and I have worked hard to maintain that title. Trust me…I have made A LOT of sacrifices to make my family proud.
Yet, I am still far from successful.
I know that I have $11 in my wallet to last me until Wednesday, a multi-thousand dollar loan to apply for to pay for next semester, and an internship to find so I can get out of school and finally start my life.
The only thing keeping me together is the people around me. I have always believed that I am fueled by those around me and what they are feeling. Luckily I have met some AMAZING people here at school, and when Thursday comes around and I have to say what I am thankful for…you can guarantee that I’ll be name dropping.
So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just wanted to give you some perspective of things that you have that you may be taking for granted. My story is in no way a tragedy, in which I need any additional love, support, money, or sympathy. Just wanted everyone to know that even in the face of huge struggles, there is always something to be thankful for.
So find that something, and hold on tight.
n/a
There’s nothing I enjoy more than taking a walk in the calming snow, listening to Explosions in the Sky, and just thinking.
Of course, tonight the thoughts were a bit more depressing than usual.
As I sat down to enjoy my McDonald’s dinner, completely comprised of dollar menu items, I realized what I was wearing…of all things.
I noticed my $400 North Face jacket was covered in snow, so I brushed it off with my $70 Burton gloves. The snow got all over my $150 iPod, as well as my $100 LG Chocolate.
If you’re thinking, “Wow, this kid is well off,” that’s exactly what I was thinking. I remembered that when I came to McDonald’s as a kid, I never imagined I would have all this expensive stuff.
It was a good realization: I have been blessed throughout my childhood and that I have grown into a very fortunate college student.
Then as I left, to continue my hike to campus, I thought of how exactly that all came to be, and how things are now.
I thought about how I will be the first kid of my generation, on both sides of my family, to graduate college…and it’s not because I am the oldest. I am far from it.
To be honest, it couldn’t come at a better time. My parents have sacrificed so much for me and my three brothers during our time in their house. And now that we have all gone off to college, things are finally starting to catch up with them.
They are foreclosing at the beginning of December, and will be without a home of their own for the second time in their life. All so I could have my jacket, and my gloves, and my phone…
To be honest, I can’t help thinking of that really sad scene from Titanic, where Jack dangles in the water while Rose is safe on the door. My parents have sacrificed so much so that I can live through the night. Now I have to make sure that I make their sacrifice worthwhile.
Needless to say, there’s a lot of pressure for me to succeed. There have been too many “near-successes” in my family, and I am the one that has to go take the cake. My mom has always called me “the perfect child,” and I have worked hard to maintain that title. Trust me…I have made A LOT of sacrifices to make my family proud.
Yet, I am still far from successful.
I know that I have $11 in my wallet to last me until Wednesday, a multi-thousand dollar loan to apply for to pay for next semester, and an internship to find so I can get out of school and finally start my life.
The only thing keeping me together is the people around me. I have always believed that I am fueled by those around me and what they are feeling. Luckily I have met some AMAZING people here at school, and when Thursday comes around and I have to say what I am thankful for…you can guarantee that I’ll be name dropping.
So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just wanted to give you some perspective of things that you have that you may be taking for granted. My story is in no way a tragedy, in which I need any additional love, support, money, or sympathy. Just wanted everyone to know that even in the face of huge struggles, there is always something to be thankful for.
So find that something, and hold on tight.
n/a
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Here we go.
Sunday, September 7
I just saw the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. EVER.
Trust me, I see a lot of girls where I work. I see a lot of girls on campus. I see a lot of girls everywhere. But this girl, I promise, is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL one I have ever seen.
I always wondered about people that believed in “love at first sight.” I always believed that it was kind of an oxy-moron. If anything, it would be “lust at first sight” because the only thing you get…is what you see.
But I think I get it now. For some reason, and I don’t know if it is because I am really bored sitting here at work, I honestly think that there is something special about her. To be honest, there’s no way to not be creepy in this situation. I can’t exactly go up to her and say, “Hi. I’m Neely. You are…gorgeous.”
I’ve been called many things in my life, but smooth has never been an adjective used to describe me. So, as I sit here, going out of my mind, all I could think about was to write a blog about it.
This, for the most part, makes me a gutless coward of a nerd that doesn’t have the nerve to go talk to this girl. Maybe she will get coffee…
n/a
I just saw the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. EVER.
Trust me, I see a lot of girls where I work. I see a lot of girls on campus. I see a lot of girls everywhere. But this girl, I promise, is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL one I have ever seen.
I always wondered about people that believed in “love at first sight.” I always believed that it was kind of an oxy-moron. If anything, it would be “lust at first sight” because the only thing you get…is what you see.
But I think I get it now. For some reason, and I don’t know if it is because I am really bored sitting here at work, I honestly think that there is something special about her. To be honest, there’s no way to not be creepy in this situation. I can’t exactly go up to her and say, “Hi. I’m Neely. You are…gorgeous.”
I’ve been called many things in my life, but smooth has never been an adjective used to describe me. So, as I sit here, going out of my mind, all I could think about was to write a blog about it.
This, for the most part, makes me a gutless coward of a nerd that doesn’t have the nerve to go talk to this girl. Maybe she will get coffee…
n/a
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Preface
I’ve made a decision…again.
This will all be over on Sunday. Either I can start thinking about this for real, or I can start to really forget about it. Luckily, I’m halfway right now, so I won’t be too hurt.
Regardless, I’m glad it’s coming to an end. I’m tired of thinking that I’m not good enough, while everyone else is telling me I am. If there’s only one person keeping me down, I’d say it’s about time to have a resolution with them.
I’ve started too much drama, caused too many problems, and put myself in a position that I’ve never been in before. Though this is probably the time in my life that I have questioned myself the most, I’m glad it has happened.
But also glad that it’s almost over.
November will be a great month. I will either be on to the next, or laughing with the current. Though I prefer the latter, it’s out of my hands.
No doubt, the majority of you have no idea what I’m talking about, but just consider this foreshadowing for the next crazy chapter of my life. I’ve been saving it all because I didn’t want to start talking about it before I knew how it ended.
Despite what happens this weekend, it is good entertainment nonetheless. So I hope you enjoy it as I much as I have for the last month.
Besos.
n/a
This will all be over on Sunday. Either I can start thinking about this for real, or I can start to really forget about it. Luckily, I’m halfway right now, so I won’t be too hurt.
Regardless, I’m glad it’s coming to an end. I’m tired of thinking that I’m not good enough, while everyone else is telling me I am. If there’s only one person keeping me down, I’d say it’s about time to have a resolution with them.
I’ve started too much drama, caused too many problems, and put myself in a position that I’ve never been in before. Though this is probably the time in my life that I have questioned myself the most, I’m glad it has happened.
But also glad that it’s almost over.
November will be a great month. I will either be on to the next, or laughing with the current. Though I prefer the latter, it’s out of my hands.
No doubt, the majority of you have no idea what I’m talking about, but just consider this foreshadowing for the next crazy chapter of my life. I’ve been saving it all because I didn’t want to start talking about it before I knew how it ended.
Despite what happens this weekend, it is good entertainment nonetheless. So I hope you enjoy it as I much as I have for the last month.
Besos.
n/a
Monday, October 27, 2008
You're just ordinary people...
So once again I’ve come across a situation in which I have to explain myself and how I live my life.
I’m not annoyed, don’t worry. I’ve had to answer these questions for about as long as I can remember.
No, I don’t smoke, drink, swear, or have sex. Never have (and for some) never will. BUT: that does not mean that I hold you to those same standards.
Just because you live your life like the majority of the world’s population, does not mean that you cannot be my friend. In fact, you might just be able to swing a date with me…if you’re lucky. So don’t worry about it.
For the most part, I don’t have a problem with the activities themselves, just the motivation behind them. If you drink to fit in with your friends, to me that shows insecurity. If you drink to get away from life, that shows a fear of dealing with your problems. If you drink to have a good time, and can do so without hurting yourself, by all means have at it.
It just kind of hurts my feelings when people think that I want nothing to do with them because they smoke or drink or have sex or all of them…at the same time. That perception is what got me hated in high school: I came off as an elitist jerk because I never went to anyone’s parties. It wasn’t that I was better than anyone, it was just that drinking Natty Light and taking a dip around a bon fire wasn’t very enticing…
I know that I’m different. I’m reminded everyday by something or other. I can’t have a lot of things that other people get. And I get left out of a lot of stuff. But I still believe that I can live my life the way I want to and coexist with you normal people.
At least I hope so.
n/a
I’m not annoyed, don’t worry. I’ve had to answer these questions for about as long as I can remember.
No, I don’t smoke, drink, swear, or have sex. Never have (and for some) never will. BUT: that does not mean that I hold you to those same standards.
Just because you live your life like the majority of the world’s population, does not mean that you cannot be my friend. In fact, you might just be able to swing a date with me…if you’re lucky. So don’t worry about it.
For the most part, I don’t have a problem with the activities themselves, just the motivation behind them. If you drink to fit in with your friends, to me that shows insecurity. If you drink to get away from life, that shows a fear of dealing with your problems. If you drink to have a good time, and can do so without hurting yourself, by all means have at it.
It just kind of hurts my feelings when people think that I want nothing to do with them because they smoke or drink or have sex or all of them…at the same time. That perception is what got me hated in high school: I came off as an elitist jerk because I never went to anyone’s parties. It wasn’t that I was better than anyone, it was just that drinking Natty Light and taking a dip around a bon fire wasn’t very enticing…
I know that I’m different. I’m reminded everyday by something or other. I can’t have a lot of things that other people get. And I get left out of a lot of stuff. But I still believe that I can live my life the way I want to and coexist with you normal people.
At least I hope so.
n/a
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